toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
