Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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