shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
