ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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