i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
