Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
