I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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