My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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