I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
