Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
