I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
