Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
