I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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