i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
