i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
