Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
