Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
