Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
