I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
