I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
