I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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