Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
