Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
