she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
