i love accidental penises.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
