soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
