that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
