Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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