Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
