I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
