Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugly people sure do ruin things
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
