I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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