Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
