This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
