On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the condom got lost in my hair
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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