he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
