hotel room ftw
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
