its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
