God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
