I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
