I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
two words: eviction party
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think your dad took our porno
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
