lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
