I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Found the puke drawer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
