it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize