Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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