Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
