I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
