Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
