did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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