New low: just hacked my moms facebook
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
