sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
