I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
