I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
