Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
