I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You dont lie about slip and slides
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
