wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
