Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
